"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
We are Selfish
It takes a man only a few weeks of marriage to come to the realization that we are selfish beings. Paul David Trip says of men, our “normal posture as a husband is selfishness.” When I feel disconnected from my wife, I usually consider all of the possible causes except my own selfishness.
The Paradox Principle
During our marriage study, we discussed the Paradox Principle. This principle states: We die to ourselves in order to truly live. My fulfillment in marriage is not found in being served, but in serving my wife.
Practical help around the house, giving her time to herself, watching her movie, following through on a past request, prioritizing time with her family, or engaging her in conversation.
Our Ultimate Example
The essence of the paradox principle is servant leadership and Jesus is our ultimate example. If anyone had a right to self-service, it would be our Lord; but Matthew 20 says “the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
A Must Have
Jesus is not only our example of how to serve; he is also the source of strength that enables this type of servant leadership. On my own, I will never be able to love my bride in this way. But with the power of the Holy Spirit, I can die to myself and serve her with joy in my heart. In doing so, I’m bringing honor to my wife and my Lord.
Are you a servant leader in your marriage? Identify a couple of things you can do for your wife and pray that the Lord would bless your efforts to love her selflessly.