“If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
Ecclesiastes 4:10
Does Vulnerability Keep You From True Friendship?
How do men cultivate intimacy leading to deep friendship? Well, there probably aren’t any “slam dunk” activities and programs that magically inspire intimacy without another dreaded activity: sharing.
Deep & Loyal Friendships
Can’t we just watch the game and exchange high-fives when our team scores? I’m with you fellas. I really am. But of the hundreds of men I’ve watched a ball game with, of the hundreds of others I’ve played pick-up basketball with, few if any of them would make my list of deep friendships. Certainly these kinds of outlets give us wide associations, but they don’t tend to cultivate the kind of depth and loyalty needed for bearing the weight of true friendship.
It's Worth the Risk
The difference between the men I’ve played basketball with and the men I count as friends comes down to how much we share of ourselves. Friends share the meaningful. They take the courageous risk of becoming transparent, sharing burdens, hopes, joys, fears, failures, triumphs, questions, and resolutions. The Bible reminds us time and time again that the risk of going deep is worth the reward.
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”
Proverbs 17:17
“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”
Proverbs 27:9
“If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
Ecclesiastes 4:10
Jesus is the Model
Our greatest model for this is none other than our Lord Jesus. When He called His disciples “friends” in John 15, the grounds for that friendship was what He shared with them.
“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15
Most men don’t cultivate deep friendships because such sharing makes them vulnerable. The irony, of course, is that they long for deep friendships but have chosen the path that prevents them.
Be Intentional
True discipleship, man to man, fosters this sort of relationship as well. Let’s be intentional to go deep and be willing to share. We may find true friendship and someone who can truly sharpen you as iron sharpens iron.
Travis Sellers
MD5 Lab Facilitator