Learning From the Mistakes of Others

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise”

Eph. 5:15

Learning From the Mistakes of Others

Since becoming an adult, I have spent time reflecting on my parents’ marriage and found several shortcomings that I resolved not to duplicate in my own. The first is “Faith.” Not a single member of my family had a personal and saving relationship with Christ.

The second shortcoming was “Family.” Because Jesus was not on the throne of their individual hearts, He was not on the throne of their home either.

My mother made my sister and me the center of the home and often said that her children were the most important people in the world. The end result was that when my sister and I left home, Mom and Dad found that they were strangers sharing the same address. In this vacuum, Dad strayed from his marriage vows and divorced my mother.

My Commitment

When I married, I resolved never to let what happened to my parents’ marriage happen to mine. I have worked hard to keep Christ at the center of our home. I have often said that the greatest thing my wife has done for our marriage and our family is to walk with God, and the same is true for me. I also learned that the greatest gift I can give my children is to introduce them to Christ; the second greatest gift is to love their mother (Eph. 5:25).

I made sure my children understood that I loved them, but also that my love for my wife was second only to my love for Jesus.

To keep the relationship with my wife strong, we prayed together nearly every day and spent time communicating about her life, my life, and what was going on in the lives of our children. The principle is that good marriages take time and effort, and great marriages take even more.

But I did one more thing for my marriage—I continued to date my wife once a week.

This is Very Important

More than forty years ago, I preached a message telling husbands it was important to date their wives after they were married. After the service, a husband came up to me and said, “I’ll have you know that we do everything as a family, and my wife and I do nothing without our children.” I replied, “You can do what you want, but I stand by my statement.” Approximately three years later, this man’s wife ran off with another man, leaving behind her husband and two boys.

Live as the Wise Do!

As has been often said, “A wise man learns from his own mistakes. A wiser man learns from the mistakes of others.” The admonition of Paul is appropriate to our discussion: “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise” (Eph. 5:15). May we be known as men who are wise!

Jeff Swart

MD5 Facilitator